biopsies

remember when you were a kid and all of those other kids… (?) … some were kind and some weren’t.  pretty easy to tell.  the ones who weren’t – you think back to and still can’t figure, why?  I mean, were they abused inside their own homes by a sibling a parent a ? or were they taught on purpose to be? or were they born evil?  One characteristic witnessed back then within the mean ones, continuing through as they attended high school, remaining within them as adults:  stinginess appears as:  I think I’m better than you or at least I’m going to pretend I am.  not sure?  mostly, now, seems sad to watch. still confusing, though.

remember being outside playing and there was always ‘one’ who always had snack food – chips, candy, anything bad for a child/person… chomping away at it in front of all the other children, as if to be superior in their possession(s), they’d go on and on about how delicious their treat was and there the rest of us were: witnessing all of this; paying as close attention to the baited as the one doing the baiting: drooling all over themselves because of the other’s treats… almost always asking if they could have some; then the ‘kid with,’ would use the other child’s request to control the other further…  “well, what’ll you do if I give you some?… I dunno, it’s really good, too bad you don’t have one… go get your own…” etc. – but always eventually giving in to appear as if they were sharing, or after making another child lose it using that child’s want as their ammunition to tease, then something like, “man I was only kidding, don’t be a baby, here have some…” and they would hand over a tiny morsel the size of a mouse’s bite, while ridiculing, “baby” in front of the others.  (Now, this “other” one – the one begging for and being called “baby” cuz of, was an even more nasty hurtful child when not around the controlling superior one… hmmm?   

or alternate scenario:  the kid who constantly asked another for a drink of their soda or something and the child they’d asked wasn’t stingy, no – this time it is the one who’d asked… returning an almost full bottle of pop with less than half a gulp after [his/her] one drink.  If anyone called them on their gluttony, they’d first laugh, thinking it was funny; if pressed that it was actually rude: attack back with, “what you complaining about …I asked you if I could have a drink, you said yes… you baby!” or something close; often that was the same child who’d been humiliated by the controlling child who’d given them a crumb… – and nobody ever thanking the other. 

then there were the nice kids, those who when you were at their home, playing, if at lunch time, their [mothers] would make you each a sandwich… we learn from our parents – when at your home, same manners bestowed; or those who when going to the local convenience store after school with money (and a friend along in tow) would equally share – with enough money, give choice to their friend to pick what they wanted for themself; sometimes if only enough for one treat split – still choice given to the friend…  noticeably remembered, those kids were the ones who never asked of others for anything; and if they were offered, quite often just said, “thank you, no.”  (smart!) 

by high school you’d notice that She and Her – both being two of the meanies as little girls, were now best friends and they mostly treated each other as they had those you witnessed them being rotten to way back when – just, now, they enjoy being mean to each other? I kinda think as time/habits become our normal, whether good or bad, our bodies’ chemistries adjust abnormally to odd stimuli… not just drugs and the big-ticket addictions like television watching and texting nonstop, but also the ‘perpetual complaining’ makes some feel good, the ‘control over others’ makes others feel good, the being mean becomes so normal, that it’s like withdrawal if one isn’t mean… otherwise: I have no clue.

Gluttony and control = stingy and using the two in tandem (which is a natural combination – there isn’t one without the other) = plain out, mean.  then you grow up and watch adults…  those exact lessons you remember from the everyday dealings experienced with the other children in your neighborhood remain so precisely on point and they’ve yielded the exact same character traits in the adult versions  – makes you think back to when you were a kid.

Advertisements

About KatherinePopeWolcott

currently compiling thoughts/writings -- notebooks full, pulled apart and put back together and then something new, and here it all comes. two books being finished in the interim. Sometimes really frustrating. I remain with little interest in attempting to learn the "how to" parts of blogging because I'm technically inept, so multiple limitations are always present; just try not to think about... but other creations coming soon -- I think I am able to scan/pdf; what I am currently working on (paintings and photos and painted photos) once finished; or get someone else to do it for me.
This entry was posted in other, poems, poetry, thoughts, writing. Bookmark the permalink.